There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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