I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
