We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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