Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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