I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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