i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
