seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
