forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Soap is not a condiment
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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