There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
