areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Houston, we have a squirter
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
