rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
