Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
