sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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