I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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