I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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