listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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