There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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