smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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