I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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