I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
