My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
