What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
