Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
