All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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