did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
