Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
