Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
