Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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