I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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