The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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