so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
