9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
