my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
