If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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