Don't make out with my wife yet
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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