Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
