In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
