she woke up with a sticky ear
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
