think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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