My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
time to smoke my breakfast
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
