you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
