Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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