We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
