direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
