you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
