how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
