I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
