I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
oh god the rape fog is back!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
