blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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