what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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