riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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