Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
