I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
