sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
