I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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